A Friendship Break-up

Martyn Payne

Introduction:

The following assembly outline with classroom follow-up is part of a series that explores the theme of breaking and restoring relationships, using stories from the Old and New Testaments. In each one we meet groups and individuals whose relationship with God and each other is damaged for a variety of reasons, but we also read about how God then works to mend what has been broken.

This session focuses on what we can learn from the story of a runaway slave named Onesimus, who meets Paul, becomes a Christian and is then sent home to his master Philemon.

Preparation:

Use the retelling of the story from The Barnabas Schools' Bible, stories 357to 358, pages 309 to 310.

See also Philemon; and Colossians 4:9, where Onesimus is described by Paul as 'that dear and faithful follower' (CEV).

Development:

1. What a collection of personal stories is wrapped up in this incident from the early years of the Christian church! There is Philemon, a Christian leader with his family in Colossi; there is Paul who is now in prison (possibly in Rome) for telling people about Jesus; there are his visitors and letter-carriers including Epaphras, Tychicus, Mark and Luke; and there's Onesimus, a runaway slave of Philemon, who has got mixed up in all of it!

All this is a great reminder that being a Christian is about real people, in real situations, discovering the goodness and love of God.

2. Start your assembly with different illustrations of how people keep in touch today.

You could arrange for someone to walk on, pretending to talk with his/her friend by mobile phone; another could walk on and then stop to write a text message; another could be holding a piece of paper and be excited that it is a print off of an email from a friend on the other side of the world (including some pictures!); finally someone should come on with a letter in their hand, opening it up to show that it is actually written in long-hand from someone special.

Ask the children which way of being in touch they think is the fastest? The cheapest? The most practical? The most personal?

The way that Christians in the Bible kept in touch was through letters. They were probably sent by couriers on horseback and by boat across the sea. It would sometimes have taken many months for the letters to reach the recipient. In fact, until comparatively recently in our history this was still true, especially if you were writing to a friend who was abroad.

Do the children think that it would be hard to wait so long for a reply? Or is it sometimes good to wait and maybe then take one's time about replying, rather than being rushed into answering straight way?

The New Testament in the Bible is full of letters that were written between Christians - there are 21 of them all together. (Pick up a Bible and flick through the last pages where these letters are kept.)

3. Why do people write to each other or send messages by text and email? Ask the children to suggest some reasons why people like to keep in touch (for example, sharing news, inviting others round, making plans, saying sorry or showing that they care).

Many of the letters in the New Testament are written by a man called Paul, who travelled to tell people about Jesus and to start up churches in the different towns and cities he visited.

He wrote to his Christian friends for a variety of reasons:

... to tell them how he was.

... to encourage them to go on believing in Jesus.

... to let them know more about Jesus and how great he is.

... to give advice on how to be a Christian in day-to-day life.

... to ask for practical help and support.

and in today's story, he wrote to a friend called Philemon to ask for a favour.

Read the stories from The Barnabas Schools' Biblee, stories 357 to 358.

4. Clearly Onesimus was in deep trouble. Onesimus was a slave or, in today's terms, a servant in Philemon's home. But it seems that he took advantage of any trust that his boss had in him. The letter suggests that he stole some money and then ran away. He made a bid for freedom. It wasn't an easy thing to be runaway slave in those days; he was in danger of being severely punished if caught.

I wonder what drove Onesimus to steal? And how did he make his escape?

Sometimes things just go badly wrong between people and it seems that their relationship has broken down and can't be mended.

But Onesimus's story offers hope: first, because he has a change of heart (he becomes a Christian when he meets Paul and now knows that what he did was wrong) and second, because he has a friend like Paul who is prepared to speak up for Onesimus and who offers to bring the slave and his master back together again.

This letter was a way of mending a broken relationship.

It is written to help Onesimus go back and say sorry.

I wonder whether we sometimes need help to say sorry? Or maybe we can be the one who helps to mend a friendship that has been spoiled? Perhaps we can say or write something that will help another person forgive the person who hurt them.

We need to help each other to make friends and stay friends, because things often go wrong.

5. For a time of reflection, use the following very simplified version of Paul's letter to Philemon as a focus to think about helping each other to become friends again. Pause after each line, which could be read by a different child each time, and then add the wondering question with some space for quiet prayer as a response.

Paul writes:

'My dear friend Philemon, I know you are someone I can trust to do the right thing. You have been so welcoming to me and to many others in the past, because of your faith in God.

I wonder if today we can be encouraging to our friends like this?

'My dear friend Philemon, I want to ask you now to forgive Onesimus, who I know has hurt you. But I also know he has changed, because he, too, now trusts in God.

I wonder if today we can speak up for others and help to mend friendships that have been broken?

'My dear Philemon, I am prepared to do all that I can to make things good again between you and Onesimus, even at my own expense.

I wonder how far you will go today to help people become friends because it isn't always easy?

'My dear Philemon, you are such a good friend and I want to let you know that I regularly pray for you because God will always help us.'

I wonder if we will remember to pray for our friends and ask God to help us do the right thing today?

6. In the classroom follow-up to this assembly there will be an opportunity to explore all this further.

Ideas for classroom follow-up in a circle time

1. Remind the group of the story of runaway Onesimus and Paul's letter to Philemon.

Read the stories from The Barnabas Schools' Bible, stories 357 to 358.

I wonder how Onesimus escaped and ended up so many miles away in Rome?

Play a game of consequences together. You could do this orally around the circle of children or, with older groups, it could be a written exercise, for example:

Each person has a piece of A4 paper. On a top line everyone should write

Onesimus decides to escape from Philemon

Now fold that over and pass the paper to the person on the left. In answer to the each of the following questions, each child adds a line so that the adventure story builds up. Each subsequent line should be written in secret by the child and then that line covered up by folding the paper and passing it on. Here are the questions:

What time does he escape? It was...

Whereabouts was he? He was in...

How did he get out? He got out by...

How did he escape from the town? He escaped by...

What did he eat on the run? He ate...

Where did he hide from the soldiers? He hid...

How did he disguise himself at the port? He disguised himself as...

What did he do to get on board ship? He got on board by...

How did he survive the voyage? He survived the journey by...

Where did he go when he got to Rome? He went straight to find...

Finally the last line is the same for everyone:

In Rome he ran into Epaphras who recognized him.

Each child now opens out the full story with contributions from different children, to read what the strange adventure sounds like!

N.B. This assumes that that Onesimus went to Rome. However, some scholars think it may have been in Ephesus where Paul was behind bars.

2. Alternatively, act out his escape with the group in mime: climbing out of the window, hiding in the shadows, creeping past the guards, running down the back streets, stealing a new set of clothes, pretending to be someone different, working his passage on board ship, asking for directions, looking for work, bumping into an old friend from home.

3. However it happened, Onesimus, the runaway thief, ended up meeting up with the Christians in Rome. He must have already heard something of the story of Jesus when he was with his master back in Colossi. It seems he had to travel all those miles, however, before it made sense for him.

He met up with Paul in prison and became a follower of Jesus, and he made himself useful there. Paul talks about him as being a very good and dear friend. Maybe he used some of his skills as a former slave to help Paul, who was under house arrest? Perhaps Onesimus cooked or kept the place tidy or even knew how to cut hair? Who knows? Certainly he became, in Paul's own words: 'like a son to me, because I led him to Christ here in jail' (Philemon 10, CEV).

However, he was still a runaway. He had to make amends for what he'd done. He had to go back and say sorry and put things right. What a dilemma! What should Onesimus do?

Set up a Choice Circus activity, in which half the group advise Onesimus not to risk going back because there would be consequences to breaking the law and running away as a slave; while the other half try to convince him that he should return because he is now a Christian and cannot let the situation remain unresolved.

How strong are the arguments for or against going? Ask one child to become Onesimus in the middle of all this, being swayed one way or the other. What will he decide to do?

4. He does in fact decide to return as one of the messengers to take a letter from Paul to the church at Colossi. It was a big decision. Paul decides to write this extra letter to Philemon in support of Onesimus, asking him to take him back.

Imagine the scene in Philemon's home. There is his wife (Apphia) and also Archippus, who was probably his son. Hot seat the family in turn. Are they for or against taking Onesimus back? Do they believe he has really changed? Do they believe that he has discovered God's love and that he comes back to them not just as a slave but also as part of the family of God through Jesus?

5. Did Philemon decide to take him back? Does Onesimus turnout to be useful after all (his name means 'useful' in Greek)? We don't know the answer.

What might Philemon's letter back to Paul be?

Ask the group to create their own email or text message from Philemon to Paul in response to this letter. What will Philemon say?

6. Paul's letter was vital in helping Philemon to forgive Onesimus and welcome him back into the house. Even at a distance Paul was bringing people together.

Sometimes we can act like Paul and bring friends back together when things have gone badly wrong between them. We might do this by speaking up for them, dropping in a good word on their behalf, or maybe it might be by sending an encouraging message.

What ways can the children think of that they might use to help bring people together who have fallen out?

6. For a time of reflection together, focus on the change that comes over Onesimus. (In fact, some experts think that he actually became a bishop in the church many years later on!)

To illustrate this change, use a long thin piece of chain, which is placed in the middle between the children. Start by creating the letter O for Onesimus with the chain and then changing it to the letter U for useful. This is the change that came over this runaway slave because he met with God and as a result of Paul's letter asking a favour of Philemon.

Ask the children to think of some other things which they know are 'useless' and which spoil relationships, such as lies, anger, stealing, rudeness, greed and injustice. Create with the chain the shape of the first letter of any of the things they suggest. And then after a short pause, decide how these could be changed into what would be 'useful', such as truth, love, sharing, kindness, generosity and fairness.

Key thought: Christians believe that God can help people be changed into useful people by the power of the Holy Spirit. This is what happened to Onesimus and Philemon clearly saw difference in his life when he returned.